Batteries Not Included
Christmas, 1985 is over and all that is left to remind us of Christmas at our house is a lonely old dry Christmas tree slumped over in the family room, some leftover fudge and green Christmas tree cookies and several new toys to trip over while walking through the family room. All the presents have been put in their proper places. All the work and worry is over for another year. It was a good Christmas at the Massey household…one to be remembered. One to be remembered all year for two reasons. The first reason being…the good time we had with all our kids on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The second reason being…remembering to buy. Remembering all year to buy batteries for all the toys that Santa left under our Christmas tree on Christmas morning.
This year has proved to me, more than any other, what I have suspected all along…Santa Claus and Dura-Cell are in cahoots. Just about everything that Santa put under our tree this year had the same three little words written on the side of the box…“batteries not included”. It is getting so out of hand that one of the toys “Clark” received from Santa did not take a mere two “C” batteries or even four “AA” batteries, it required two C’s, four AA’s and one nine volt battery. And you guessed it. I forgot to buy the nine volt battery. So of course that took care of playing with this little jewel from the world of toy technology until the stores opened on Thursday. It seems to me that I could run my car for a week on two C’s, four AA’s and one nine volt battery. But instead these batteries were for Ver-Bot the Robot. Also left under the tree was “Woofer” (batteries not included) the Dog. This cuddly piece of love states on the front.“Hug me, and I can talk with you”. All this little puppy needs to make him bark at you is four AA batteries. Tigger, the real live loveable dog that lives at our house has never required a battery to make him bark when he is not supposed to. What ever happened to kid powered toys that need kid imagination to make them work?
Santa and Dura-Cell has also invaded the adult world. Remember the days when you would open the box that contained the Kodak camera, load the fllm in your new camera and then proceed to take Christmas pictures. Those days are gone, nowadays if you get a new camera for Christmas and someone forgot to buy the batteries for that camera, you can forget about Christmas pictures until next year
Although Santa and Dura-Cell has managed to make remembering to buy batteries as important as sending Christmas cards to our friends, I think they could improve on a few adult toys. Things like a battery operated refrigerator cleaner or a battery operated clothes folder. Or wouldn’t a remote controlled battery operated vacuum cleaner be nice. And last but certainly not least, a life sized remote controlled battery operated look-alike robot to go to work for us on Monday morning. This item would probably be a hotter selling item than a Cabbage Patch Doll. I certainly do not think anyone would object to buying batteries for toys like these.
I can tell you one thing, if this battery trend continues, in a few years the toys will be playing with the kids instead of the kids playing with the toys.
I can see it all now. Mom says. “turn off that toy and go brush your teeth and comb your hair!” To which the reply is. “OK Mom, the batteries are still good in my toothbrush but I can’t comb my hair today…you forgot to buy batteries for my comb”
