It's the World's Second Most Popular Question
Hey, Mom, do you have any cash I can borrow? How many times have we heard this question. With great conveniences such as checking accounts and credit cards that the banks have created for us, cash around the house is usually as rare as whiskers on a duck. So it seems like the guy who lives in the house that just happens to have a few dollars cash in his pocket automatically becomes the first loan officer of the friendly down home banking corporation. The key word in the question is borrow. The dictionary defines the word borrow as: “To procure in the form of a loan with the promise of return to the owner”. Now it seems in the home loan department, the pro- curers are plentiful but the promises to return to the owner are few and far between.
Last Saturday, when the same old question came up… “Do you have any cash we can borrow?”, I foolishly said, “Yes, there’s a few dollars in my coat pocket.” Also being very foolish to think that I had a few dollars left in my pocket, I set out to buy myself a hamburger for lunch. And wouldn’t you know it, when I reached for my money, all I found was one dime, one nickle and three pennies that the procurers obviously didn’t need. Seems I had very generously loaned out all the dollar bills in my private stash. I was certainly proud of my generosity as I stood there, slowing up the fast food industry, while scraping up enough of the change that had collected in the bottom of my purse, to pay for my lunch.
It was a nice change when “Clark” became the first loan officer of the Massey bank not too long ago. “Clark” isn’t know for having a lot of cash lying around among his Masters of the Universe toys. So when the opportunity came up after his birthday. I decided to take advantage of the situation. The logical thing to do was to borrow a few dollars instead of writing a check or scraping up enough quarters, dimes and nickles to buy a carton of milk. Well let me tell you, borrowing money from “Clark” was probably the worst mistake I have ever made in my life. At least three times a day, everyday, he asked for his money back. He didn’t believe that I had to cash a check to pay him back, he just figured I could go to Mom’s money tree, pick a few dollars, and pay him back. I would have been better off to have negotiated a loan from Don Corleon, of the Godfather movie fame. At least with a delinquent loan from Corleon, all I would have to do is dodge his hit men, with a delinquent loan from “Clark” my life was pure misery from morning to night, as he practiced his collection procedures. The only bright spot to borrowing money from Clark” is that he doesn’t know anything about charging interest yet. And you can bet that good old Mom isn’t going to be the one to tell him about that fact of life. I have decided not to suggest that he grow up to be a doctor or lawyer, he is a future five star bill collector if I have ever seen one.
I really don’t know if there is a solution to the problem of household cash procurers. One thing that might discourage the practise is to make the procurer sign a note with a high interest rate and then…follow “Clark’s” tortuous collection procedures. That should do it.
