Checkbooks can be Hazardous to your Health
This week. I thought I would start this column with a quiz. Kind of a short version of poor man’s Trivial Pursuit. What common five word phrase is seen more often in the holiday season than any other time of the year? Merry Christmas-Happy New Year, you say…wrong! Have a Happy Holiday Season…wrong again! Give up? The common five word sentence is…pay to the order of. Just think how many times in the last month or so that you have followed up these common little words printed on a piece of paper, with someone’s name. You know that you have gone overboard when a UPS truck pulls up in front of your house to deliver your December bank statement.
I am not well known for keeping my checkbook in order. Oh. I write down the amount of the checks I write, and I also write down the deposits. What I fail to do is the addition and subtractions. I sort of depend on my memory and emotions more than my mathematical skills. When I start getting nervous about writing a check. I know it is time to make a deposit.
With the holiday season behind me and my luck holding out as far as my check writing was concerned, I thought the time of year had come that I could rest my memory and relax for awhile. Boy, was I wrong! The first week’s mail in January has brought such good news as…a tax notice–a bill, demanding payment, from Time Magazine for the magazines they have sent me that I did not subscribe to–notice that my car license is due–and, last but certainly not least, a notice from Greeley Gas that they are raising the price of gas. These things were the icing on the cake, the normal mail brought the utility bills and the usual entry forms for the big sweepstakes contests. And to make things worse, all the sweepstake entries have the name Amssey on them
Also in the first week of January, the old relic in the utility room that was once knowrn as a clothes dryer, decided it was tired and hot, so it stopped heating and went on strike. After being a member of the family for 13 years, you would have thought it would have been more grateful. After paying a factory rep. $21.95 to tell me that it didn’t heat anymore and it would cost $115.22 to have it fixed. I found a place in Greeley that fixed it for $61.50 (isn’t it strange how $61.50 sounds like a bargain after you have heard $115.22?). Seems I payed the other guy $21.95 to tell me the same thing I told him on the phone in the first place.
The first week in January was also time to write the dentist’s name following…pay to the order of. “Clark” decided that two sets of teeth were not enough for him. When his baby tooth came out in front. a strange looking white thing started replacing it. It turned out to be an extra tooth and had to be extracted…cost $63.50. I suppose the reason for this problem is that kids from Krypton have extra teeth so they can rip the tooth fairy off for another six bits. Of course, no 14 year old in their right mind walks around without having wires in their mouth. So once a month with a $50 check in hand. “Trixie” visits friendly Bob, the creator of dazzling smiles. It seems that the goal of this family is to be the sole financial contributor to our dentist, on his extended vacation in the Hawaiian Islands this year.
If the first week in January is any indication of what is to come in the next 51 weeks. I think I will change my name to Amssey and start sending in all my sweepstake entrys. With my luck, you can bet someone with the name of Massey will win a million dollars.
I’ll tell you one thing, if this keeps up, the next time I have to write a check…I’ll probably break out in hives.
